1
00:00:03,747 --> 00:00:05,213
SHELDON:
Leonard...
2
00:00:05,215 --> 00:00:06,715
I've got terrible news.
3
00:00:06,717 --> 00:00:07,582
What's going on?
4
00:00:07,584 --> 00:00:09,050
Before I tell you,
5
00:00:09,052 --> 00:00:11,519
perhaps I should
soften the blow.
6
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You're face
is pleasingly symmetrical.
7
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Just tell me.
8
00:00:18,028 --> 00:00:20,161
A Swedish team of physicists
9
00:00:20,163 --> 00:00:23,031
is trying to scoop our super-
fluid vortex experiment.
10
00:00:23,033 --> 00:00:25,133
Oh, well, that kind of stinks.
11
00:00:25,135 --> 00:00:26,801
“That kind of stinks”?
12
00:00:26,803 --> 00:00:28,603
Why aren't you more upset?
13
00:00:28,605 --> 00:00:30,205
Did I soften the blow too much?
14
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Because this here is more
like a Picasso painting.
15
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What are we going to do?
16
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Perform the experiment
immediately.
17
00:00:38,515 --> 00:00:40,415
I'd love to,
but we need liquid helium
18
00:00:40,417 --> 00:00:42,951
and our shipment's
on back order for a month.
19
00:00:42,953 --> 00:00:45,020
A month? What?
Are you kidding me?
20
00:00:45,022 --> 00:00:47,889
That would have been a good time
for you to soften the blow.
21
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That shirt brings out
the blue in your eyes.
22
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Thank you.
Aren't you sweet.
23
00:00:53,730 --> 00:00:55,764
Let's go check to see
if the university
24
00:00:55,766 --> 00:00:57,999
has any helium in reserve.
25
00:00:58,001 --> 00:01:01,403
Did you know that I almost
didn't wear this shirt today?
26
00:01:02,572 --> 00:01:04,439
Hey, Barry, we're in trouble.
27
00:01:04,441 --> 00:01:07,208
We need liquid helium-- does the
department have any we can use?
28
00:01:07,210 --> 00:01:08,576
Sorry, there's a shortage.
29
00:01:08,578 --> 00:01:11,212
And what we do have I need for
my quantum excitation study.
30
00:01:11,214 --> 00:01:13,381
But you won't
need much for that.
31
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True, but if it's successful,
32
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I'm having a party
with balloons.
33
00:01:17,387 --> 00:01:19,387
Come on, Barry,
there's a Swedish team
34
00:01:19,389 --> 00:01:21,022
trying to run our
experiment before us.
35
00:01:21,024 --> 00:01:22,190
Can't you spare any?
36
00:01:22,192 --> 00:01:24,893
Be honest-- if the shoe
was on the other foot,
37
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would you do this for me?
38
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Yes.
No chance.
39
00:01:29,566 --> 00:01:31,299
What are you doing?
40
00:01:31,301 --> 00:01:33,068
He said be honest,
so I was honest.
41
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Didn't your mother tell you?
It's the best policy.
42
00:01:35,505 --> 00:01:37,305
So, what do you say?
43
00:01:37,307 --> 00:01:38,406
Hell no.
44
00:01:40,510 --> 00:01:43,978
He could've
softened the blow.
45
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♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
46
00:01:47,351 --> 00:01:51,019
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
47
00:01:51,021 --> 00:01:52,554
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
48
00:01:52,556 --> 00:01:55,090
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
49
00:01:55,092 --> 00:01:57,759
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
50
00:01:57,761 --> 00:02:00,428
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
51
00:02:00,430 --> 00:02:02,330
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
52
00:02:02,332 --> 00:02:04,299
♪ Bang! ♪
53
00:02:04,312 --> 00:02:08,312
♪ The Big Bang Theory 9x06 ♪
The Helium Insufficiency
Original Air Date on October 26,
54
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55
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Why do you need Kripke?
56
00:02:14,830 --> 00:02:16,964
Why don't you just go
to Party City for helium?
57
00:02:16,966 --> 00:02:20,100
We'd have to go to every
Party City in California.
58
00:02:20,102 --> 00:02:23,470
Sounds like you
on Cinco de Mayo.
59
00:02:23,472 --> 00:02:26,640
Hey, people were still
talking about that party
60
00:02:26,642 --> 00:02:29,409
on siete de Mayo.
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00:02:30,980 --> 00:02:32,179
Leonard, if that
Swedish team beats us,
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I will never be able to enjoy
63
00:02:33,349 --> 00:02:34,881
anything from
their country again.
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00:02:34,883 --> 00:02:36,783
Which is a shame,
because Swedish meatballs
65
00:02:36,785 --> 00:02:41,121
are my favorite
toothpick-delivered meatball.
66
00:02:41,123 --> 00:02:44,524
If you need liquid helium
so bad, I know a guy
67
00:02:44,526 --> 00:02:47,060
who can get you some, if you
don't ask too many questions.
68
00:02:47,062 --> 00:02:48,228
Who is he?
Where does he work?
69
00:02:48,230 --> 00:02:49,629
How does he
get the helium?
70
00:02:49,631 --> 00:02:51,465
How many questions
are too many questions?
71
00:02:51,467 --> 00:02:53,266
Maybe he's not for you.
72
00:02:53,268 --> 00:02:56,236
Four questions.
There answer's four.
73
00:02:57,406 --> 00:02:58,605
Hey, you know
who went out
74
00:02:58,607 --> 00:03:00,107
on a date the other
night? Stuart.
75
00:03:00,109 --> 00:03:01,274
Oh, good for him.
76
00:03:01,276 --> 00:03:02,542
I thought so, too.
77
00:03:02,544 --> 00:03:07,014
So is she, like, homeless,
or framing him for a crime?
78
00:03:07,016 --> 00:03:09,816
He's using some kind
of dating app on his phone.
79
00:03:09,818 --> 00:03:11,251
Oh, which one?
80
00:03:11,253 --> 00:03:12,486
Maybe we can get Amy to try it.
81
00:03:12,488 --> 00:03:14,488
I don't know.
82
00:03:14,490 --> 00:03:16,056
Stuart, can you come in here?
83
00:03:16,058 --> 00:03:17,758
He tried to explain it to me.
84
00:03:17,760 --> 00:03:19,493
It shows you pictures
of people nearby,
85
00:03:19,495 --> 00:03:22,896
you swipe them around,
it looks kind of like a game.
86
00:03:22,898 --> 00:03:26,500
Oh, and if you lose the game,
you have to go out with Stuart.
87
00:03:28,871 --> 00:03:29,870
What's up?
88
00:03:29,872 --> 00:03:32,105
Can you show us that dating app?
89
00:03:32,107 --> 00:03:33,740
Oh, yeah, sure.
90
00:03:33,742 --> 00:03:36,576
This thing has changed my life.
91
00:03:36,578 --> 00:03:38,011
Wow. So how many
girls have you met?
92
00:03:38,013 --> 00:03:39,679
Two.
93
00:03:40,616 --> 00:03:41,782
I probably don't need to mention
94
00:03:41,784 --> 00:03:44,885
there's an entire number
between that and zero.
95
00:03:44,887 --> 00:03:46,520
Well, so how
does it work?
96
00:03:46,522 --> 00:03:48,955
Uh, well, it-it shows me all
97
00:03:48,957 --> 00:03:51,258
the single women
in a five-mile radius
98
00:03:51,260 --> 00:03:52,692
who are using the app.
99
00:03:52,694 --> 00:03:55,128
If I like the way they look,
I hit “thumbs up.”
100
00:03:55,130 --> 00:03:57,030
If I don't, “thumbs down.”
101
00:03:57,032 --> 00:03:58,932
Oh, what would make you
give a girl a thumbs down?
102
00:03:58,934 --> 00:04:03,437
First time it happens
I will let you know.
103
00:04:04,606 --> 00:04:08,275
Oh, hey. I just heard back
from the liquid helium guy.
104
00:04:08,277 --> 00:04:10,077
What's he say?
105
00:04:10,079 --> 00:04:12,813
He's got what we need
and can meet us tonight.
106
00:04:12,815 --> 00:04:15,148
Oh, really?
107
00:04:15,150 --> 00:04:17,551
You know I don't like
buying things at night.
108
00:04:18,754 --> 00:04:20,087
January 7, 2009.
109
00:04:20,089 --> 00:04:22,456
I went to the Ralph's
at 11:30pm to pick up
110
00:04:22,458 --> 00:04:24,591
Cracklin' Oat Bran for the
morning and what did I see?
111
00:04:24,593 --> 00:04:26,126
The man restocking
the cereal shelves.
112
00:04:26,128 --> 00:04:27,627
That's right.
And what did he do?
113
00:04:27,629 --> 00:04:31,631
He handed you the box directly
and called you Stretch.
114
00:04:31,633 --> 00:04:33,600
(shudders)
115
00:04:33,602 --> 00:04:36,303
It's like it was yesterday.
116
00:04:36,305 --> 00:04:38,572
Do you want
liquid helium or not?
117
00:04:38,574 --> 00:04:39,739
Of course I do.
118
00:04:39,741 --> 00:04:41,675
I don't want that
Swedish team scooping us.
119
00:04:41,677 --> 00:04:43,477
Then I'm going
to tell him we're in.
120
00:04:43,479 --> 00:04:46,646
Leonard, wait.
This is highly unethical.
121
00:04:46,648 --> 00:04:48,381
We're just bending
the rules a little.
122
00:04:48,383 --> 00:04:50,484
We have grant money
to do the experiment,
123
00:04:50,486 --> 00:04:53,186
so we're going to spend it
on the helium we need.
124
00:04:53,188 --> 00:04:54,654
It's not like when Dr. Goldfarb
125
00:04:54,656 --> 00:04:56,756
claimed he bought
an electron microscope
126
00:04:56,758 --> 00:04:58,058
and he was really just keeping
127
00:04:58,060 --> 00:05:01,795
a Russian girl
in an apartment in Van Nuys.
128
00:05:01,797 --> 00:05:06,399
Was she helping him
with his research?
129
00:05:08,504 --> 00:05:09,903
Sure.
130
00:05:10,906 --> 00:05:12,239
So, are we doing this?
131
00:05:12,241 --> 00:05:14,274
Okay, but where
does he get the helium?
132
00:05:14,276 --> 00:05:16,009
Remember?
Don't ask too many questions?
133
00:05:16,011 --> 00:05:18,512
Uh, but this is
violating university code.
134
00:05:18,514 --> 00:05:20,347
A little, but...
(stammers)
135
00:05:20,349 --> 00:05:21,948
if I may quote Einstein,
136
00:05:21,950 --> 00:05:24,084
“The pursuit of science calls us
137
00:05:24,086 --> 00:05:26,887
to ignore the rules set by man”"
138
00:05:26,889 --> 00:05:28,722
Huh.
139
00:05:28,724 --> 00:05:29,990
All right, do it.
140
00:05:29,992 --> 00:05:31,358
Tell him we're in.
141
00:05:31,360 --> 00:05:33,026
(Leonard typing rapidly)
142
00:05:33,028 --> 00:05:35,295
Done.
143
00:05:35,297 --> 00:05:37,297
I can't find that quote
on the Internet.
144
00:05:37,299 --> 00:05:39,432
Did you make that up?
145
00:05:41,803 --> 00:05:43,203
Before I answer,
146
00:05:43,205 --> 00:05:46,373
may I just say your skin
has never looked better.
147
00:05:48,911 --> 00:05:51,311
Aren't you just made of sugar.
148
00:05:53,916 --> 00:05:56,183
I'm not sure
how I feel about this.
149
00:05:56,185 --> 00:05:57,717
Oh, come on, just let him
put the app on your phone.
150
00:05:57,719 --> 00:05:59,519
Yeah, Stuart got
two dates with it.
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00:05:59,521 --> 00:06:03,323
One of which would've ended
in sex had she not said no.
152
00:06:04,593 --> 00:06:06,359
Okay, all set.
153
00:06:06,361 --> 00:06:07,794
Okay, let me see.
(clears her throat)
154
00:06:07,796 --> 00:06:09,563
Nope, nope,
155
00:06:09,565 --> 00:06:11,464
nope...
156
00:06:11,466 --> 00:06:12,832
Oh, he's cute!
157
00:06:12,834 --> 00:06:14,434
Doesn't a teardrop tattoo
158
00:06:14,436 --> 00:06:17,504
mean he murdered someone?
159
00:06:17,506 --> 00:06:20,373
And he's sad about it.
160
00:06:20,375 --> 00:06:22,742
Hey.
Hello.
161
00:06:22,744 --> 00:06:24,945
Hey.
Hey, I thought you were gonna be out late?
162
00:06:24,947 --> 00:06:26,313
If you wanted me
to stay out later,
163
00:06:26,315 --> 00:06:28,815
you should've given me
more spending money.
164
00:06:29,785 --> 00:06:30,917
What are you guys up to?
165
00:06:30,919 --> 00:06:32,085
We put Amy on a dating app,
166
00:06:32,087 --> 00:06:33,320
and we're seeing
what's out there.
167
00:06:33,322 --> 00:06:35,088
Oh, fun!
Let me see.
168
00:06:35,090 --> 00:06:37,123
Uh, no...
169
00:06:37,125 --> 00:06:39,993
no, uh, definitely not.
170
00:06:39,995 --> 00:06:42,128
What was wrong
with that guy?
171
00:06:42,130 --> 00:06:43,496
Uh, he's Indian.
172
00:06:43,498 --> 00:06:45,699
We've already got one of those.
173
00:06:47,135 --> 00:06:48,702
Ooh, we should
find a nice Latino.
174
00:06:48,704 --> 00:06:51,304
It really round us out.
175
00:06:51,306 --> 00:06:52,539
Hey, I want to try.
176
00:06:52,541 --> 00:06:54,474
Uh, excuse me,
c-can I have my phone back?
177
00:06:54,476 --> 00:06:55,709
Hang on, I'm trying
to find you
178
00:06:55,711 --> 00:06:57,210
the next great
love of your life.
179
00:06:57,212 --> 00:06:58,979
The man who will
father your children.
180
00:06:58,981 --> 00:07:00,814
Okay, yes or no on white
guy with dreadlocks?
181
00:07:00,816 --> 00:07:03,516
(all clamoring)
182
00:07:10,692 --> 00:07:12,926
That must be him.
183
00:07:12,928 --> 00:07:14,761
SHELDON:
Oh, of course.
184
00:07:14,763 --> 00:07:17,097
An nondescript,
white panel van.
185
00:07:17,099 --> 00:07:19,199
You may be familiar with
it from the sentence:
186
00:07:19,201 --> 00:07:23,703
“Their bodies were found in a
nondescript, white panel van”"
187
00:07:25,907 --> 00:07:27,907
(doors close)
188
00:07:29,411 --> 00:07:31,011
Hey.
189
00:07:31,013 --> 00:07:32,078
What's up?
190
00:07:32,080 --> 00:07:33,113
Uh, I'm Leonard.
191
00:07:33,115 --> 00:07:34,514
This is my friend--
I'm Skippy.
192
00:07:34,516 --> 00:07:36,216
Skippy Cavanaugh.
193
00:07:36,218 --> 00:07:38,418
Great.
194
00:07:38,420 --> 00:07:39,552
You got the cash?
195
00:07:39,554 --> 00:07:40,787
Uh, yeah, uh,
right here.
196
00:07:40,789 --> 00:07:42,289
Wait, hold on, hold on.
197
00:07:42,291 --> 00:07:43,723
How do we know
that you're not gonna
198
00:07:43,725 --> 00:07:45,558
take the money
and drive away?
199
00:07:45,560 --> 00:07:48,295
What ya doing, Skippy?
200
00:07:48,297 --> 00:07:50,897
Exactly what 1970s television
crime dramas have taught us.
201
00:07:50,899 --> 00:07:54,534
You give us the helium first.
202
00:07:54,536 --> 00:07:56,403
Oh, how do I know
you're not gonna
203
00:07:56,405 --> 00:07:57,737
drive away without paying me?
204
00:07:57,739 --> 00:07:59,739
Guess I'm not the only one
205
00:07:59,741 --> 00:08:01,741
who watches '70s television
crime dramas.
206
00:08:02,577 --> 00:08:03,977
Look, you can trust us.
207
00:08:03,979 --> 00:08:06,079
We're respected scientists.
208
00:08:06,081 --> 00:08:07,447
Well, he is.
209
00:08:07,449 --> 00:08:09,316
I'm a wedding planner,
210
00:08:09,318 --> 00:08:11,918
who can't find love himself.
211
00:08:13,355 --> 00:08:15,522
It's ironic, but the point is
212
00:08:15,524 --> 00:08:17,057
we can't trust you.
213
00:08:17,059 --> 00:08:20,293
You're a sketchy character
in a parking garage.
214
00:08:20,295 --> 00:08:21,761
Yeah, well,
from my perspective,
215
00:08:21,763 --> 00:08:23,263
that's how you two appear to me.
216
00:08:23,265 --> 00:08:26,533
Well, I never thought
of it like that.
217
00:08:26,535 --> 00:08:30,036
Boy, frame of reference will
just sneak up on you, won't it?
218
00:08:31,206 --> 00:08:33,106
My friend does make a decent
point about the money.
219
00:08:33,108 --> 00:08:35,475
I don't feel comfortable
just handing it over up front.
220
00:08:35,477 --> 00:08:37,777
Ah-ah-ah, no money, no helium.
221
00:08:37,779 --> 00:08:41,181
Seems we're at a, uh, stalemate.
222
00:08:41,183 --> 00:08:42,816
Not technically.
223
00:08:42,818 --> 00:08:44,851
In chess, a stalemate
refers to a situation
224
00:08:44,853 --> 00:08:46,886
in which there
are no remaining moves.
225
00:08:46,888 --> 00:08:48,988
Uh, you have plenty
of moves available.
226
00:08:48,990 --> 00:08:51,391
You could beat us up
and steal the money.
227
00:08:52,361 --> 00:08:54,661
You could kill us,
you know.
228
00:08:54,663 --> 00:08:58,798
Really, you're only limited
by your imagination.
229
00:09:00,135 --> 00:09:01,368
Huh.
230
00:09:01,370 --> 00:09:03,069
All these years,
I've been using “stalemate,”
231
00:09:03,071 --> 00:09:05,138
when I really mean “impasse.”
232
00:09:05,140 --> 00:09:07,674
I feel foolish.
233
00:09:09,911 --> 00:09:12,445
I don't think it matters
if this is a stalemate
234
00:09:12,447 --> 00:09:14,814
or an impasse
or a Mexican standoff.
235
00:09:14,816 --> 00:09:16,049
What are we gonna do here?
236
00:09:16,051 --> 00:09:17,784
Oh, whoa, whoa, how can it be
a Mexican standoff?
237
00:09:17,786 --> 00:09:20,453
Everybody knows you need
three sides for that.
238
00:09:20,455 --> 00:09:21,988
Not necessarily.
239
00:09:21,990 --> 00:09:24,391
Uh, many argue the essence
of a Mexican standoff
240
00:09:24,393 --> 00:09:26,659
is that no one can walk
away from the conflict
241
00:09:26,661 --> 00:09:28,762
without incurring harm.
242
00:09:28,764 --> 00:09:31,498
Hmm, I don't follow.
243
00:09:31,500 --> 00:09:33,266
Let me give you an example.
244
00:09:33,268 --> 00:09:35,835
Earlier today,
245
00:09:35,837 --> 00:09:37,670
I decoded the headers
on your e-mail,
246
00:09:37,672 --> 00:09:39,906
and I know that your name is
Kenneth Fitzgerald.
247
00:09:39,908 --> 00:09:42,609
From that, I figured out where
you live and where you work.
248
00:09:42,611 --> 00:09:45,011
Now, to make this
a Mexican standoff,
249
00:09:45,013 --> 00:09:46,780
I would say something like, uh,
250
00:09:46,782 --> 00:09:50,383
“You give us the helium or I'll
turn you in to the authorities”"
251
00:09:50,385 --> 00:09:51,818
Is that a threat?
252
00:09:51,820 --> 00:09:54,154
Yeah, exactly.
See, you're getting it.
253
00:09:54,156 --> 00:09:56,923
Yeah, well, I know
where you work, all right?
254
00:09:56,925 --> 00:09:58,725
And if you mess with me,
I'll report you,
255
00:09:58,727 --> 00:10:00,627
then I'll pound your asses
into the ground.
256
00:10:00,629 --> 00:10:03,530
Perfect! Now we really are
in a Mexican standoff.
257
00:10:05,400 --> 00:10:07,167
Is this one of those times
258
00:10:07,169 --> 00:10:10,336
where I've won the battle
but lost the war?
259
00:10:10,338 --> 00:10:13,640
Afraid so, Skippy.
260
00:10:13,642 --> 00:10:16,376
I told you we shouldn't
go shopping at night.
261
00:10:24,927 --> 00:10:26,961
All right, let's
all just calm down.
262
00:10:26,963 --> 00:10:28,662
Nobody wants to
report anybody.
263
00:10:28,664 --> 00:10:30,030
No, I don't like this.
I'm out.
264
00:10:30,032 --> 00:10:31,799
No, no, no. Wait, don't go.
265
00:10:31,801 --> 00:10:33,067
Just let me explain.
266
00:10:33,069 --> 00:10:35,102
We're physicists,
and we're trying to prove
267
00:10:35,104 --> 00:10:37,838
a hypothesis that we've been
working on for over a year.
268
00:10:37,840 --> 00:10:41,208
Really? What's the hypothesis?
269
00:10:41,210 --> 00:10:43,143
Space-time can be interpreted as
270
00:10:43,145 --> 00:10:45,613
the surface of
an n-dimensional superfluid.
271
00:10:45,615 --> 00:10:47,281
Hmm. Could be, could be.
272
00:10:47,283 --> 00:10:49,049
Go on.
273
00:10:50,853 --> 00:10:53,420
Okay, but now there's this
Swedish team that read our paper
274
00:10:53,422 --> 00:10:55,923
and they're trying to beat us
to our own discovery.
275
00:10:56,859 --> 00:10:58,158
We really need this helium.
276
00:10:58,160 --> 00:10:59,460
And I'm sorry
I lied about
277
00:10:59,462 --> 00:11:01,862
being a wedding planner
who can't find love.
278
00:11:01,864 --> 00:11:04,898
Although I am currently
single, if you know anybody.
279
00:11:06,002 --> 00:11:07,835
Here's the money.
Can we do this?
280
00:11:07,837 --> 00:11:10,104
Okay.
281
00:11:11,574 --> 00:11:13,674
It's a shame about those
scientists ripping you off.
282
00:11:13,676 --> 00:11:15,542
I expected a higher
ethical standard
283
00:11:15,544 --> 00:11:17,444
from our friends in Sweden.
284
00:11:19,115 --> 00:11:21,148
It's actually pretty common
in our field.
285
00:11:21,150 --> 00:11:22,750
Not much you can do about it.
286
00:11:22,752 --> 00:11:24,251
Well, for the right
amount of money,
287
00:11:24,253 --> 00:11:25,452
if you know where they live,
288
00:11:25,454 --> 00:11:26,854
there's, uh, plenty
we could do about it.
289
00:11:26,856 --> 00:11:28,822
Did you hear
that, Leonard?
290
00:11:28,824 --> 00:11:31,458
There's plenty we
could do about it.
291
00:11:32,395 --> 00:11:35,362
Do you have a card?
292
00:11:36,532 --> 00:11:38,866
Okay, here we go.
293
00:11:38,868 --> 00:11:40,067
Now everyone can see.
294
00:11:40,069 --> 00:11:41,201
All right.
(clears throat)
295
00:11:41,203 --> 00:11:43,570
Where do we stand
on cross-eyed Mike?
296
00:11:45,107 --> 00:11:48,809
You know he won't be
looking at other girls.
297
00:11:51,847 --> 00:11:54,782
Unless they're sitting
on the end of his nose.
298
00:11:55,551 --> 00:11:57,685
Okay, okay, okay.
Thumbs down.
299
00:11:57,687 --> 00:11:59,253
Next.
300
00:11:59,255 --> 00:12:01,255
Ew, check out
his tiny teeth.
301
00:12:01,257 --> 00:12:03,490
He looks like
a man-dolphin.
302
00:12:04,593 --> 00:12:07,394
Wait, if he's good in bed,
she can throw him a fish.
303
00:12:08,798 --> 00:12:10,197
(high-pitched):
I love you, Amy.
304
00:12:10,199 --> 00:12:12,399
(squeaking)
305
00:12:16,138 --> 00:12:18,405
Okay, I'm starting
to feel guilty.
306
00:12:18,407 --> 00:12:20,641
Aren't we being a little mean?
307
00:12:21,977 --> 00:12:23,877
That's a fair point.
308
00:12:23,879 --> 00:12:26,647
We wouldn't make fun of someone
like this to their face.
309
00:12:27,483 --> 00:12:29,850
Look, it's Stuart!
310
00:12:32,321 --> 00:12:35,089
You may want
to leave the room.
311
00:12:39,128 --> 00:12:42,329
SHELDON:
Right this way, Uncle Harvey.
312
00:12:47,069 --> 00:12:49,069
Will you stop with that already?
313
00:12:49,071 --> 00:12:52,372
I'm trying
not to attract attention.
314
00:12:52,374 --> 00:12:55,442
And tipping his hat to the
cleaning lady didn't do that?
315
00:12:55,444 --> 00:12:59,012
She said, “Buenas noches.”
What was he supposed to do?
316
00:12:59,014 --> 00:13:00,981
Let's just start
the experiment.
317
00:13:00,983 --> 00:13:02,916
Leonard, we should probably
have our story straight
318
00:13:02,918 --> 00:13:04,284
in case we get caught.
319
00:13:04,286 --> 00:13:06,053
We're not getting caught.
320
00:13:06,055 --> 00:13:07,154
Well, you can't be sure of that.
321
00:13:07,156 --> 00:13:09,189
What if the helium dealer
rats us out?
322
00:13:09,191 --> 00:13:11,325
What if Kripke asks
where we got it?
323
00:13:11,327 --> 00:13:13,227
What if the university
checks my family tree
324
00:13:13,229 --> 00:13:15,829
and finds out
I don't have an Uncle Harvey?
325
00:13:15,831 --> 00:13:19,133
The dealer doesn't care,
Kripke has no authority over us,
326
00:13:19,135 --> 00:13:21,001
and you being related
to a metal container
327
00:13:21,003 --> 00:13:24,004
would explain a lot.
328
00:13:24,006 --> 00:13:27,374
Help me hook this up.
329
00:13:27,376 --> 00:13:28,575
Uh-oh.
What?
330
00:13:28,577 --> 00:13:30,677
Well, did you see this sticker?
What is it?
331
00:13:30,679 --> 00:13:33,280
It's partially torn off, but
the segment that remains reads:
332
00:13:33,282 --> 00:13:36,083
“Property of”
and the letter “U.”
333
00:13:36,085 --> 00:13:37,918
It's probably USC or UCLA.
334
00:13:37,920 --> 00:13:40,487
Yeah, but what if it's
“Property of U.S. Government”?
335
00:13:40,489 --> 00:13:43,223
There's a national helium
reserve in Amarillo, Texas.
336
00:13:43,225 --> 00:13:44,658
If this was stolen from there,
337
00:13:44,660 --> 00:13:46,660
we're accessories
to a federal crime.
338
00:13:46,662 --> 00:13:48,162
Let's not jump to conclusions.
339
00:13:48,164 --> 00:13:49,730
A lot of things start with “U.”
340
00:13:49,732 --> 00:13:50,764
That's true.
341
00:13:50,766 --> 00:13:52,833
There's the U.S. Air Force,
342
00:13:52,835 --> 00:13:55,302
U.S. Department of Defense,
U.S. Navy,
343
00:13:55,304 --> 00:13:57,638
“you” and I
are going to jail.
344
00:13:57,640 --> 00:14:00,140
Listen, we can
do the experiment as planned
345
00:14:00,142 --> 00:14:01,909
and beat the Swedish team
to the punch,
346
00:14:01,911 --> 00:14:04,144
or we can kiss our dreams
good-bye because we were
347
00:14:04,146 --> 00:14:06,313
to afraid to break a few rules.
348
00:14:10,052 --> 00:14:11,518
Ma'am.
349
00:14:14,790 --> 00:14:16,690
Okay, does everyone
remember the rules?
350
00:14:16,692 --> 00:14:19,126
If he's shirtless, one sip.
351
00:14:19,128 --> 00:14:20,961
Posing with a pet, two sips.
352
00:14:20,963 --> 00:14:23,997
Pet and shirtless,
chug like it's your job.
353
00:14:25,334 --> 00:14:27,568
And pull!
354
00:14:31,207 --> 00:14:33,907
I have that
same underwear!
355
00:14:35,144 --> 00:14:36,210
Chug!
356
00:14:36,212 --> 00:14:38,078
(phone chimes)
357
00:14:38,080 --> 00:14:40,447
Mm, Amy,
you're getting a text.
358
00:14:40,449 --> 00:14:42,115
Oh, um, give me that.
359
00:14:42,117 --> 00:14:43,917
KOOTHRAPPALI:
“I had a great time last night”"
360
00:14:43,919 --> 00:14:45,319
No, no, st-stop reading that.
361
00:14:45,321 --> 00:14:46,553
Who's Dave?
I...
362
00:14:46,555 --> 00:14:47,721
You went on a date last night?
363
00:14:47,723 --> 00:14:48,655
Are you seeing someone?
364
00:14:48,657 --> 00:14:49,656
No, it-it's not like that.
365
00:14:49,658 --> 00:14:50,757
(phone chimes)
366
00:14:50,759 --> 00:14:53,493
“And I'd love to take you
out again”?
367
00:14:53,495 --> 00:14:54,528
Amy!
What?
368
00:14:54,530 --> 00:14:56,263
Can't believe it.
Oh, my God.
369
00:14:56,265 --> 00:14:58,365
Okay, it's like that.
370
00:15:00,569 --> 00:15:03,003
Thank you for coming back.
371
00:15:03,005 --> 00:15:04,371
Yeah, well, normally I wouldn't,
372
00:15:04,373 --> 00:15:06,506
but my daughter's having
a sleepover, and there's only
373
00:15:06,508 --> 00:15:09,810
so much screaming and Katy Perry
a man can take.
374
00:15:09,812 --> 00:15:13,213
Anyway, if you could just
give us our money back,
375
00:15:13,215 --> 00:15:15,616
you can have your helium
and we'll be on our way.
376
00:15:15,618 --> 00:15:17,484
Yeah, well, is there
something wrong with it?
377
00:15:17,486 --> 00:15:19,887
No, nothing.
We just changed our mind.
378
00:15:19,889 --> 00:15:21,855
He has glasses and
I'm a know-it-all;
379
00:15:21,857 --> 00:15:24,324
we are not built
for prison.
380
00:15:24,326 --> 00:15:25,859
Yeah, I hear you.
381
00:15:25,861 --> 00:15:27,661
Well, you're good guys,
so I'll, uh...
382
00:15:27,663 --> 00:15:29,396
I'll take the helium
off your hands.
383
00:15:29,398 --> 00:15:30,397
Thank you.
384
00:15:30,399 --> 00:15:32,666
But you ain't getting
your money back.
385
00:15:32,668 --> 00:15:35,936
You're taking advantage of us?
386
00:15:35,938 --> 00:15:39,273
We clarified nomenclature
together.
387
00:15:39,275 --> 00:15:41,675
Look, I enjoy
semantic digressions
388
00:15:41,677 --> 00:15:45,479
as much as the next guy,
but, uh, this is business.
389
00:15:45,481 --> 00:15:47,381
You know what?
390
00:15:47,383 --> 00:15:48,615
It's fine.
Keep the money.
391
00:15:48,617 --> 00:15:50,550
We just want to be
done with this.
392
00:15:50,552 --> 00:15:52,586
No problem, but I am
gonna have to charge you
393
00:15:52,588 --> 00:15:55,422
a small helium restocking fee.
394
00:15:55,424 --> 00:15:56,957
I don't understand.
395
00:15:56,959 --> 00:15:58,158
He wants more money.
396
00:15:58,160 --> 00:16:00,994
Well, it better not be more than
a thousand dollars;
397
00:16:00,996 --> 00:16:02,696
that's all I've got on me.
398
00:16:04,433 --> 00:16:08,001
That's exactly how much it is.
399
00:16:08,003 --> 00:16:09,403
Finally,
400
00:16:09,405 --> 00:16:11,438
something breaks our way.
401
00:16:15,110 --> 00:16:16,643
I can't believe
you're seeing someone
402
00:16:16,645 --> 00:16:17,778
and we don't even know about it.
403
00:16:17,780 --> 00:16:19,713
Yeah, why wouldn't
you tell us?
404
00:16:19,715 --> 00:16:21,148
Because it's new and weird
405
00:16:21,150 --> 00:16:23,417
and I'm just trying
to figure it all out.
406
00:16:23,419 --> 00:16:24,484
And I knew
407
00:16:24,486 --> 00:16:26,086
if I told you guys
I had been out
408
00:16:26,088 --> 00:16:28,155
with a few people that you'd get
way too excited about it.
409
00:16:28,157 --> 00:16:29,056
A few people?
410
00:16:29,058 --> 00:16:31,091
What?!
Amy! - Amy!
411
00:16:32,027 --> 00:16:34,594
So, are we allowed to ask
how it's going?
412
00:16:34,596 --> 00:16:35,996
It's going fine.
413
00:16:35,998 --> 00:16:38,332
It's mostly just been
meeting people for coffee.
414
00:16:38,334 --> 00:16:41,301
Wha...?!
415
00:16:41,303 --> 00:16:42,703
I thought we
were all...
416
00:16:42,705 --> 00:16:44,671
Never mind.
417
00:16:45,507 --> 00:16:47,007
I-I thought you
weren't ready
418
00:16:47,009 --> 00:16:48,475
to start seeing people.
419
00:16:48,477 --> 00:16:50,344
Well, I don't have
much experience dating,
420
00:16:50,346 --> 00:16:52,212
so I decided
it would be good for me
421
00:16:52,214 --> 00:16:53,847
to, you know,
get out there a little.
422
00:16:53,849 --> 00:16:55,716
Well, good for you.
423
00:16:55,718 --> 00:16:57,651
Thank you.
424
00:16:57,653 --> 00:16:59,553
And how many guys
have you gone out with?
425
00:16:59,555 --> 00:17:00,721
Please be less than two.
426
00:17:00,723 --> 00:17:02,589
Three.
Damn it.
427
00:17:05,060 --> 00:17:08,495
Well, the Swedes
might beat us,
428
00:17:08,497 --> 00:17:12,032
but at least we won't get
gang-noogied in prison.
429
00:17:13,769 --> 00:17:18,071
Is Ernest Goes to Jail the only
prison movie you've seen?
430
00:17:18,073 --> 00:17:20,874
It scared me straight, Leonard.
431
00:17:20,876 --> 00:17:22,642
(knock on door)
432
00:17:22,644 --> 00:17:24,878
Hey, I've been thinking.
433
00:17:24,880 --> 00:17:26,580
I was being petty.
434
00:17:26,582 --> 00:17:28,615
You can have my helium.
435
00:17:29,084 --> 00:17:30,784
Thank you, Barry.
436
00:17:30,786 --> 00:17:33,754
But you have to add my name
to your paper.
437
00:17:34,757 --> 00:17:36,123
That's preposterous.
438
00:17:36,125 --> 00:17:37,457
I don't know, seems fair.
439
00:17:37,459 --> 00:17:39,059
You can't do it without me.
440
00:17:40,062 --> 00:17:41,094
Can you give us a minute?
441
00:17:41,096 --> 00:17:42,229
Take your time.
442
00:17:42,231 --> 00:17:45,465
I'll walk out backwards
for dramatic effect.
443
00:17:51,974 --> 00:17:54,408
I don't like
being extorted like this.
444
00:17:54,410 --> 00:17:56,276
Especially by him of all people.
445
00:17:56,278 --> 00:17:59,346
Me neither, but what
other choice do we have?
446
00:17:59,348 --> 00:18:02,416
I promise this is the last time.
447
00:18:12,298 --> 00:18:14,332
It says right here
on Wikipedia.
448
00:18:14,334 --> 00:18:16,768
"A Mexican standoff is
a confrontation between
449
00:18:16,770 --> 00:18:18,036
at least three parties."
450
00:18:18,038 --> 00:18:20,104
How can you trust Wikipedia
451
00:18:20,106 --> 00:18:23,942
if they use "between"
to refer to three parties?
452
00:18:25,010 --> 00:18:27,345
They should've used
"among," right?
453
00:18:29,348 --> 00:18:33,418
Or "amongst," if they were
feeling whimsically archaic.
454
00:18:33,420 --> 00:18:35,186
All right,
enough with the chitchat.
455
00:18:35,188 --> 00:18:38,056
Are we gonna watch
Ernest Goes to Jail or not?
456
00:18:38,058 --> 00:18:39,457
Absolutely.
457
00:18:39,459 --> 00:18:41,593
But don't be surprised
if this movie sets you
458
00:18:41,595 --> 00:18:45,168
on the straight and narrow.
I am open to change.
459
00:18:47,184 --> 00:18:53,684